As I write this, I’m eating miniature marshmallows, one of my many guilty pleasures. I refilled all my spice containers yesterday and descaled my tea kettle last week. I applied for a new job as an online counselor. Not only do I have energy, but sometimes I even have moments of clarity. Whoa.
A week and a half ago, I snapped. I just couldn’t take the heaviness and sadness and grief anymore. It’s been bleak for so long that I forgot what it felt like to be normal, let alone GOOD. Or great. I feel joy. And it’s freaking amazing.
It happened as I was getting ready to show a video to my new elective class “How to Light Your Fire.” Don’t let the title fool you, I was TOTALLY going through the motions and phoning it in. But I knew I was looking for inspiration and teaching those elective classes teach ME something every time. This one is an experiential, philosophical class that will morph throughout the trimester into whatever the students want it to be. Right now, we are watching Rhonda Byrne’s movie “The Secret,” which is where I found myself the day I woke up. Perfect timing.
“The Secret” is about the law of attraction and manifesting elements into your life by staying in high energetic vibration. Which in turn, feeds high energetic vibration. It’s like love and God and optimism on crack. And I know this sounds woo-woo, but it’s a game changer. Goodbye guilt and shame, hello love and fearlessness.
By some miracle, this is corresponding with Easter, with spring and the season of resurrection. I had forgotten how much I love to connect to other people—I didn’t realize how much I had been hiding. The season of grief and shame have passed. Alleluia.
I’m not saying this to rub it in your face (and I love that my gauge is spice containers and the scale on my tea kettle). I want to offer hope or inspiration... or something. Because it was DARK. And now it is LIGHT. I’m not saying I’m totally healed but I am definitely waking up from a loooooong winters nap. And even though I might just be feeling normal, it is such a far cry from the pain and grief and inwardness of the last three months (and much longer, if I’m honest) that I feel unstoppable.
So what’s to grow out of this? I’m sharing a picture from the oracle cards that I have—a beautiful card where the image says it all. I pulled it last week. And the answer to the question isn’t crystal clear yet. But we hosted an Easter party with some friends and family out here at the farm and I want more of THAT. I want more connection: to our food, to how we live our lives and to each other. I want to host it and grow it and FACILITATE it. Joy from the simple things, deep meaning out of regularity and, most of all, staying connected. Maybe it’s writing, maybe it’s hosting farm stays and farm-to-table events, maybe it’s starting our own YouTube channel. But something is cracking here. And it’s not just me.
So, here’s to regeneration out of the blowing-up of the volcano. Come on in. The water’s fine.